This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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