So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your cock deserves a montage
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
