I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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