Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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