what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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