So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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