I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
