he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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