Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
