youre lurking in front of me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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