Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
