You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
