I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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