they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i need some magic done to my vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
