Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
