Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
