Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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