Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
