oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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