I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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