Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
