I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
