you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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