Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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