i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
