meet me or not, i'm out of control
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
