Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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