remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
