dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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