We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
