His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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