I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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