spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
