so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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