i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
