Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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