she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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