Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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