yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
