Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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