I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I did not marry a roomba.
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