I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
