My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
