just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
