I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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