I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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