the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
