just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there was a trapeze. enough said
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
