She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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