He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
